8 Tips for a Great Weekly Meeting (Couples)

Written by: Joe Jardine

No one ever said that marriage was easy. In fact, it can be beyond difficult at times to navigate the craziness of life together. When you throw kids into the mix, what was difficult just becomes nearly impossible! So how do you manage the mayhem?

One thing we recommend is establishing a weekly meeting time. This is a time where you can come together, connect, plan, and problem solve for the week ahead.

It might not sound fun or sexy, but I always say, "The breadcrumbs of life matter." Here are some tips on how to make your weekly meetings as effective as possible!

1) Find a time that works for both of you and stick to it

This can be first thing in the morning, or in the evening after the kids are in bed. Preferably at a time where you know you won't have a lot of interruptions and that you aren't rushed. Consistency is key though, so find a time that you can both commit to and make it a priority. If one spouse is consistently having to reschedule or cancel, it’s going to be difficult to make this a habit, so decide on a time you can both commit to.

We recommend Sundays because it gives you a chance to reflect on the previous week and plan for the week to come.

2) Be fully present

It's not enough to just show up physically. You need to be present mentally and emotionally as well. This is a time for you to really connect with your spouse, so put away any distractions (phones, laptops, etc) and give them your full attention.

This is also a time to really listen to your spouse. Listen for what they are saying, and what they aren't saying. Try to understand their perspective and where they are coming from.

3) Come prepared

You should also come prepared with anything you want to discuss or bring up. Whether it's something that's been on your mind, or something you've been meaning to talk about but keep forgetting. This is your time to communicate, so make the most of it!

It can be good to take the first couple minutes to brainstorm a little agenda. Some things you'll talk about every week (the schedule, or perhaps the budget) but other things ebb and flow (vacation plans, home repairs).

4) Use a written calendar

I know, I know. In today's world, everything is digital. But there's something about physically writing things down that makes them feel more real and important. We recommend using a physical calendar to write out your plans for the week ahead. This way you can both see what's going on and easily refer back to it later if needed. Plus, it's just nice to have a physical reminder of all the good things you have going on in your life!

5) Schedule everything

Now that you have your calendar, it's time to fill it! Think about any activities or commitments that have to do with your kids, your church, your work, your hobbies, yes. But also think through and schedule the important things that help your life and marriage run. Schedule date night, schedule your workouts, journaling time, and times of intimacy. You read that right ... schedule sex.

One of the keys to lifelong marriage is physical intimacy, and all sex therapists agree: if you don't schedule it, it won't happen. Life is busy! And if you just wait for when the moment "feels right," you won't be connecting with your spouse physically nearly as much as you need. Check out this short video we posted last week about it!

6) Use the time to plan and problem solve, but also to connect

While the main purpose of your weekly meeting is to plan and problem solve, it's also important to use this time to connect with your spouse. Ask them how their week was, what they're looking forward to, and really listen when they answer. This is a time for you both to be seen and heard.

7) Aim to listen more than you talk (be curious)

This is a difficult one for most people, myself included! We are so used to jumping in and trying to fix things or offer our opinion. But more often than not, your spouse just wants you to listen and understand where they are coming from. So the next time they bring something up, try asking questions about it instead of immediately offering advice. Be curious about their experience and what they are thinking and feeling. This will go a long way in helping you connect with them on a deeper level.

8) End on a positive note

Even if you didn't agree on everything, or you still have some unresolved issues, try to end on a positive note. Express appreciation for something they did, say something you love about your spouse, or something great about the life you share. This will help set the tone for the week ahead and bring a positive resolution to the meeting you just had.

Managing a busy life can feel like a never-ending battle, but it doesn’t have to be that way. With a little bit of organization and communication, you and your spouse can easily find time for weekly check-ins that help keep the chaos at bay. You can do this!